Why black men are fond of white women

[Stephan Bobb]

Why black men are fond of white women

By

Jennifer Harris

Calvin was a short, stocky, Jheri-curled 17-year-old who was one of the tuba players in our high school marching band back in the early 80s.  He had recently started dating one of the flutists, Kathy, who was White; and he wanted everybody to know why he preferred White girls (although I don’t recall anyone asking him for an explanation).  During a break from class, Calvin confessed to a few of us willing to lend him an ear, “I like White girls better because they don’t give me an attitude like Black girls do.  I don’t have to worry about getting into arguments over silly stuff and White girls are just nicer to a brother.” After he enlightened us on the differences between black and white girls, surprisingly, his observation did not rankle me.  Mainly, I figured that was his opinion, his experience and not every Black male, young or old, felt the way Calvin did about Black women.  Besides, it was really plain to me that Calvin was an idiot.   Years later, though, I would be reminded of his particular point of view when I encountered a few more “Calvins” in the world who would admit their “preference” for White women in much the same manner.   It made me wonder what it was that African American men found so wonderful, even magical, about White women.

When I asked some Black men the why they preferred to date White women, I usually heard the “White-women-treat-us-better” argument with slight variations.  This was from Black men who experienced one too many bad relationships with Black women and decided White women were more inviting or less of hassle, depending on who was telling it.  Apparently, there was laundry list of things White girls were more willing to do such as cater to men, have a sweeter disposition and be more sexually adventurous.  Most times, when I’ve heard this reason, I saw it not only as insulting and belittling to Black women (which it is) but as an excuse to justify why some Black men date outside their race. 

As I got older, it became more apparent that some African American men looked upon White women as “trophy” girlfriends and/or wives.   They had the look that was celebrated in the mainstream media.  From White women such as Marilyn Monroe and Farrah Fawcett all the way to Angelina Jolie, the European standard of beauty has been heralded on magazine covers, movies and television shows trumpeting White women as the ultimate fantasy.  They represented fun and frivolity.  Some of the men I’ve known didn’t have to have the women with drop dead gorgeous looks; their only requirement was to be White. 

Not every Black man wanted a White woman for superficial reasons.  Sometimes, they just wanted companionship.  Take Clarence for example.  He attended graduate school with a major in engineering.  Clarence was extremely smart and a bit of a nerd.  He could do complicated mathematical problems in his head and still do a mean impersonation of Little Richard. Generally he was a sweet, if corny, guy.  When it came to the ladies, though, he wasn’t a hit.  Clarence believed it was because he did not have a car or rent an off-campus apartment, a decision he made so he could pay for college education.

To answer the question of why African American men are fond of White women, that’s who some Black men are attracted to and each man has his own reasons. It's a personal choice. Although, one could make the argument otherwise, overall, I think Black men adore Black women and prove it each year by marrying his Ebony Queen.

My friend Alonzo probably summed it up best. “I’ve been married to both Black and White women. Ain’t no difference. Women all the same.” He told me that was apparently a turn off to some of the young Black ladies he approached who wanted to be wined and dined.  He was rejected time and again.  Enter Eileen. They met at a student mixer and hit it off. They soon began dating.  She understood the sacrifices he had to make in order to get a better education.  Eileen liked him and Clarence liked her.  Plain and simple.  When Black ladies would give him the “What are you doing with ‘Becky’” type question, his response was: “None of you were interested in me until I started dating her. What am I supposed to do? Be alone?”  I can’t say blame the man.  Everyone needs someone to love.  If you find it outside your race, then so be it.