DJ COMMUNITY

HOW TO DEAL WITH HATERS ON THE JOB

December 30, 2015 ‐ By Ann Brown

Face it, your co-workers aren’t always going to be your friends. But when one of them really dislikes you, well, it can not only be uncomfortable, but it can also affect your work. Still, even if a work colleague outright hates you, the situation can be resolved. You just have to take action, the right action, and this doesn’t mean an ugly confrontation.

It’s not hard to tell when someone at work doesn’t like you. Maybe they smile at everyone but frown at you; they don’t make small talk with you; they look away when you are near; they avoid interaction, and when they do interact, they are rude.

“I had a boss who I knew did not like me. Every morning he would walk down the aisle of cubicles and say good morning to everyone but me. I also heard him bad-mouthing me to my colleagues as his cube was right next to mine,” shared workplace mediation expert Kelly E. Drake of Resolve–Solutions Moving Forward with MadameNoire.

Drake knew that this was far from the ideal work setting and an obstacle to her doing her job. So she took action–and you can too.

First, take a long look at the situation before doing anything. Try to put yourself in your co-worker’s shoes for a moment. Are there things you might be doing that annoy them? Could there be a hidden reason they are cold toward you?

“Jealousy often fuels dislike,” wrote WikiHow. “Your co-worker could see you as more successful or see traits in you that he or she lacks. While you can’t necessarily eliminate your co-worker’s jealousy, consider whether you’ve been overly smug or boastful about your success. If so, this may be fueling the dislike.”

This may also just be a matter of miscommunication.

“Try and find out what it is these individuals need,” Drake said. “Maybe they just want to be heard and appreciated. Use your manners, say please and thank you. Find something to compliment them on. Be genuine.”

If you feel you have been acting fairly and friendly in the workplace, then move on and accept that even though you may be as wonderful as you believe, everyone will not like you. Once you accept this, start working on making your work environment better.

“You cannot ignore it and hope it goes way. It won’t. It will only escalate,’” Drake said. “I realize that I will have co-workers that I don’t get along with. I don’t judge them. Also, never forget that others are watching you. Be a role model. If you mishandle this it may cost you a promotion in the future. Ask for training. Again, keep this professional and objective.”

Take the high road and be the bigger person.

“Whether you decide to approach your co-worker or not, it’s obviously important that you always maintain the utmost professionalism—no matter how strong your desire to be passive-aggressive is,” wrote The Muse. “You can’t control everyone’s feelings or actions, but you can control how you react to them. So, take the high road and always treat this person with respect and integrity. Being the bigger person can definitely some effort—particularly if your colleague is provoking you and making it extra difficult. But, no matter how challenging it is, it’s always the better option.”

Be yourself. If you are friendly to your other co-workers, be friendly to the offending one as well. And if you decide to confront them, do so in a way that’s not aggressive.

“It certainly is a good idea to confront the co-worker you feel hates you,” explained psychiatrist/hypnotherapistNancy B. Irwin to MadameNoire. “Find an appropriate time, invite her to lunch, walk out of the office with her at the end of the day, etc., when she is alone so she has no ‘backup’ and neither do you. Tell her you sense that there is something between you. Ask if you have inadvertently offended her. What can you do to enhance your relationship for the good of the team? Make it clear that she does not have to make you her BFF, but respecting your role, and vice versa, will make the atmosphere more professional and comfortable.”

Tread lightly when dealing with this person.

“Confront is not the right word as it implies aggression,” said Drake. “Be assertive, not aggressive, and let the person know that it’s not okay what they are doing, hoarding info or gossiping. I was missing important conference calls because my ‘boss’ did not inform me of them. I had to bring this up and did so in a manner that suggested I wanted to make a contribution to the team and needed his help, keyword, most people respond to the word ‘help,’ to do so.”

If this doesn’t work or your co-worker refuses to address the situation, you may need to involve a supervisor or human resources.

“If she is not willing to discuss this or make any positive change to at least be neutral toward you, then let her know that perhaps HR should be notified to help you both,” Irwin explained. “ You are not being a ‘tattletale’; hostile environments at work and workplace violence are real problems. Further, HR will want you both to do your jobs; not lose focus due to this issue. You may get moved to a more comfortable setting in the office.”

If necessary, gather evidence to present to HR or your boss. For example, the interactions you have for a week or so. This should be your last option.

“You should only report your co-worker if you feel he or she is harassing you, attacking you personally, and is persistent in his or her actions despite your attempts to avoid or rectify the situation,” WikiHow wrote.

While you probably won’t become besties, take the necessary steps to make your work environment much more comfortable and easier to be productive in.