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39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Your superiority complex is rivaled only by your self-loathing.posted on July 18, 2013 at 11:11am EDT



1. You live in constant fear of being that person.

You live in constant fear of being that person.

You mumble and change the topic when anyone asks where you went to school.

2. So you never wear school merch in public.

So you never wear school merch in public.

3. Your friends all became investment bankers, lawyers, doctors, or academics.

Your friends all became investment bankers, lawyers, doctors, or academics.

It broke your heart when 80% of your “idealistic” liberal arts friends ended up working for Wall Street.

4. And if they couldn’t pick one, they did Teach For America.

And if they couldn't pick one, they did Teach For America.

5. You’re constantly asked to check your privilege, usually by your own conscience.

You're constantly asked to check your privilege, usually by your own conscience.

6. The country’s future isn’t the only thing at stake during the presidential race. Your school pride is too.

The country's future isn't the only thing at stake during the presidential race. Your school pride is too.

7. You accidentally referenced Nietzsche in casual conversation once… Then you stayed up all night drowning in self-loathing.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

8. You have high hopes for your future kids’ college choices. Problematic as it is, legacy babies have no excuses, right?

You have high hopes for your future kids' college choices. Problematic as it is, legacy babies have no excuses, right?

9. Speaking of which:

Speaking of which:

10. You have an opinion on the Exeter vs. Andover battle, even if you didn’t go to either.

You have an opinion on the Exeter vs. Andover battle, even if you didn't go to either.

11. You’ve developed a deep resentment for most major publications’ opinion sections.

You've developed a deep resentment for most major publications' opinion sections.

Because they’ve made so many generalizations about your alma mater.

12. When Jay Z and Beyoncé named their kid Blue Ivy, all you wanted to know was whether they meant Yale or Columbia.

When Jay Z and Beyoncé named their kid Blue Ivy, all you wanted to know was whether they meant Yale or Columbia.

That’s the crown from the Columbia emblem, right? RIGHT?

13. You really wish you knew what it was like to go to a school where football was a real thing.

You really wish you knew what it was like to go to a school where football was a real thing.
Via: rd.com

14. You consider UPenn the craziest “party school” and Brown the quintessential “stoner school” even though, objectively speaking, you’re wrong.

You consider UPenn the craziest "party school" and Brown the quintessential "stoner school" even though, objectively speaking, you're wrong.

15. And Dartmouth was quietly, inconspicuously out-drinking everyone.

And Dartmouth was quietly, inconspicuously out-drinking everyone.

16. Gossip Girl made you want to scream because it got so many things wrong about your campus life.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

For instance, Serena wouldn’t get into either Brown or Columbia. Come on.

17. People assume you’re much smarter than you are.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

18. When in reality, you felt pretty smart before college but have felt like a dumbass since.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Because you were surrounded by future Nobel laureates and taught by current ones.

19. You’ve unwittingly partied with at least one royal next-in-line at some point.

You've unwittingly partied with at least one royal next-in-line at some point.

20. Every time you meet someone successful, you try to guess which secret society they’re in.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

21. You know someone who knows someone who once lent a pen to Emma Watson.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Or James Franco.

22. Much to your dismay, your hookup pillow talk could turn to the examination of unjust societal paradigms at any moment.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

23. Despite your best efforts, you still think throwing on a blazer can solve all your problems.

Despite your best efforts, you still think throwing on a blazer can solve all your problems.

24. Your acceptance letter is stashed in a shoebox under your bed and is your parents’ most prized possession.

Your acceptance letter is stashed in a shoebox under your bed and is your parents' most prized possession.
Via: favim.com

25. Everyone on your freshman floor was student council president in high school.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Or valedictorian. Or both. Probably both.

26. You never realized having an internship (or eight) was optional so your résumé looks like a laundry list.

You never realized having an internship (or eight) was optional so your résumé looks like a laundry list.

27. You know who Suzy Lee Weiss is and you have some choice words for her.

You know who Suzy Lee Weiss is and you have some choice words for her.

For starters: What were you thinking?

28. You drink way more than you should on the night that Phi Beta Kappa’s list is announced.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Either in celebration… Or not.

Via: giphy.com

29. You could write a dissertation comparing the effects of RedBull with those of 5-Hour Energy.

You could write a dissertation comparing the effects of RedBull with those of 5-Hour Energy.

30. You spent all of your senior year hoping the POTUS would be your commencement speaker.

You spent all of your senior year hoping the POTUS would be your commencement speaker.

Should’ve gone to Barnard, huh?

31. And you still keep tabs on who headlines every Ivy’s spring concert. Yale usually wins.

And you still keep tabs on who headlines every Ivy's spring concert. Yale usually wins.

32. When you run into old friends, you immediately start competing over who got the least sleep the previous night.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Old habits die hard.

33. Sunrises aren’t special. On the contrary, they give you hellish flashbacks to finals week.

Sunrises aren't special. On the contrary, they give you hellish flashbacks to finals week.

34. In fact, thinking about college in any capacity fills you with a mixture of joy and PTSD.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

35. And makes you grapple endlessly with notions of elitism and privilege.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

36. Because after college, you realized that many of the smartest people you know went to colleges you’d never heard of, or never graduated college at all.

Because after college, you realized that many of the smartest people you know went to colleges you'd never heard of, or never graduated college at all.

37. And at the end of the day, you know that you just got really, really, really lucky.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

38. So you’ll always be grateful for those four years of being pushed to your limits.

39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

39. And you’ll always be humbled by the terrifyingly intelligent friends you made along the way.

And you'll always be humbled by the terrifyingly intelligent friends you made along the way.

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