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Chris Rock’s Opening Oscar Monologue: A Transcript



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Chris Rock CreditPatrick T. Fallon for The New York Times

The following was transcribed from the ABC broadcast of the 88th Academy Awards, and is not an official copy of the speech.

CHRIS ROCK: Man, I counted at least 15 black people on that montage. I’m here at the Academy Awards, otherwise known as the White People’s Choice Awards.

You realize if they nominated hosts, I wouldn’t even get this job. So y’all would be watching Neil Patrick Harris right now.

But this is the wildest, craziest Oscars to ever host, because we’ve got all this controversy. No, no black nominees, you know, and people are like “Chris, you should boycott. Chris, you should quit. You should quit.”

How come there’s only unemployed people that tell you to quit something, you know? No one with a job ever tells you to quit.



So, I thought about quitting. I thought about it real hard. But, I realized, they’re gonna have the Oscars anyway. They’re not gonna cancel the Oscars because I quit. You know? And the last thing I need is to lose another job to Kevin Hart, O.K.?


 
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Excerpt: Chris Rock's Opening Monologue

Chris Rock, the host of the the 88th Academy Awards, opens the broadcast.

 By A.M.P.A.S. on Publish DateFebruary 29, 2016. 

I don’t need that. Kev right there — Kev makes movies fast. Every month. Porno stars don’t make movies that fast.

Now the thing is, Why are we protesting? The big question: Why this Oscars? Why this Oscars, you know?

It’s the 88th Academy Awards. It’s the 88th Academy Awards, which means this whole no black nominees thing has happened at least 71 other times. O.K.?

You gotta figure that it happened in the 50s, in the 60s — you know, in the 60s, one of those years Sidney didn’t put out a movie. I’m sure there were no black nominees some of those years. Say ‘62 or ‘63, and black people did not protest.

Why? Because we had real things to protest at the time, you know? We had real things to protest; you know, we’re too busy being raped and lynched to care about who won best cinematographer.

You know, when your grandmother’s swinging from a tree, it’s really hard to care about best documentary foreign short.

But what happened this year? What happened? People went mad. Spike got mad, — got mad, and Jada went mad, and Will went mad. Everybody went mad, you know?

Jada got mad? Jada says she not coming, protesting. I’m like ain’t she on a TV show?

Jada is going to boycott the Oscars — Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties. I wasn’t invited.

Oh, that’s not an invitation I would turn down.

But I understand, I’m not hating. I understand you mad. Jada’s mad her man Will was not nominated for “Concussion.” I get it, I get it.

Tell the truth. I get it, I get it. You get mad — it’s not fair that Will was this good and didn’t get nominated.



Yeah, you’re right. It’s also not fair that Will was paid $20 million for “Wild Wild West.” O.K.?

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